Well, here's something that needs fixing...

One of the rules I've made for myself regarding this blog is that I shouldn't be negative and get down on myself for the things that need improving, because I need to remember that I'm worth fixing and not write myself off as a lost cause. As I go about my day considering what I'm going to post here, I often run up against that rule because it's kind of hard to point out areas in need of improvement without recognizing what's wrong with them as they currently stand. So today's area in need of improvement (rather than reason why I suck) is extreme procrastination.

I ended my last post with a teaser as to what I'd post the following day, and then the next day came and I didn't post anything. I thought about it a few times, but never actually did it. I did a lot of other non-essential things in front of this computer like play some silly little flash games and goof around on a message board, but whenever I thought about posting to this blog, I couldn't bring myself to do it. That's probably partially because I knew it would be a little bit difficult to come out and say some of the things I intended to say, and that right there is the problem.

Whenever I'm faced with a task that's even the slightest bit unpleasant or outside of my comfort zone, even a lot of things I used to find easy if a little boring, it's like pulling teeth to get myself to do it. I'll sit here and spend more time thinking about how I should just go ahead and do it than just doing the task would actually take. I get frozen. A lot of times I'll set up some kind of false condition for myself - I can't do Y until X happens. Well, actually I totally could do Y and X really has little to do with it, other than it's something I'm waiting for. I do know that I tend to be a bit impatient and maybe that's part of the problem - I'm so focused on anticipating something that I can't focus on anything else.

So there's something that needs fixing. I need to make like a Nike slogan and just do it. Not sure exactly how to get the ball rolling on that, but once I figure it out, I think a lot of other things will get a lot easier.

Day One

As I sat down to start this blog, first I had to name it. I tried about a dozen different variations of "Fixing My Life" that were already taken, and I was starting to get frustrated and down on myself for not being able to think of some witty little phrase that perfectly encapsulated what I want to do here in original enough terminology to not already be chosen by someone else. So, in that spirit of self-criticism, I tried the title "Sick of Myself" and whaddayaknow - it wasn't already taken.

But before I pulled the trigger on that title, I realized that it defeated the purpose of what I want to do here. Certainly there are quite a few aspects of myself that I'm sick of, but overall I still think I'm pretty OK. The point of this blog is to identify those aspects that need fixing, figure out ways to fix them, put those plans into practice, and record the results. "Sick of Myself" implies that the whole thing's a wash and I should just start over from scratch, and that's not really the case - the stuff about me that's already OK is the kind of stuff I should be drawing from to get ideas on how to make the other stuff better. For example, I do really really well at school - how do I use the skills that garner academic achievement to better run my business?

So here I am. This blog is totally self-serving, but I'm putting it out there to A. keep myself accountable; B. share ideas with anyone who might stumble on them and benefit from them; and C. benefit from the ideas of others. Hopefully, when all is said and done, I'll have fixed a bunch of stuff that needs fixing while still retaining my essential Amyness. So that's the plan - I'm going to figure out ways to keep the good, get rid of the bad, and be still me but better.


Tomorrow, some ugly truths.